Today was the first time in a long while that I’ve had time to hang out after church and since we had 4 cars between us all and the Christmas crowd to contend with we took mrt to vivo ( wah walked to the mrt too eh) then we basically went mad at daiso. We found a baby sparrow and it wad lying down so mel basically picked it up and carried it on the mrt and the walk back then I brought it to my cousins house cos she always saves injured birds. The bag holding it tipped over on the way though I almost had a heart attack. So I got it to the house and it was sort of moving. Then we placed it on a warm cloth, and it tucked its head in, breathed its last breath,closed its eyes and DIED. in front of my eyes. I’ve never seen a thing die in front of my eyes before ( not even Buffy- my old dog). Sobs. So traumatizing. It was a cute birdie too :(

I think whoever I end up marrying seriously has to love animals haha like my cousin+wife do cos if not anyone else would not be able to tolerate my idiosyncratic tendencies of going out of the way to feed cats/ save random birds etc. I myself am not too sure where the rational logic in all this is sometimes.

clearing inbox. old emails. by mistake. not good. brain. shutting. down. arghhhh.

[yes i know most of my entry titles have been john mayer songs. its like my whole itunes only has one album on loop <3]

nothing to do(oo)
nowhere to be(ee)
just a simple little kinda a free(ee)

whee!

i know it's not over ( tonigghhhtt...) yet but somehow i found this exam run easier than the last one, even though last round i only had 3 papers and now i have 5. haha. psych>econs anyday.

I think I have issues with depending on people/asking for help if I can handle it myself and prevent people from going through the extra trouble.I've always had a feeling that this was so. From not taking up offers for umbrellas even though I'm going to get drenched to people helping me carry heavy things ( if I'm not too tired la, heh) I can't wait to study the topic in psychology that teaches me how I can link this inherent stubbornness to my childhood. LOL.

I realised this today after I spent the whole late morning/early afternoon trying to get my supplementary readings[wah. since when I read extra readings? *patsselfonback* 8)]. They said I couldn't get it on my server at home so I went to sit in the school car park, connected to the school's network to try to get it, but it didn't work. So I had to drag my ass out of the car in all my old tee+ fbt glory to perhaps see if I can get them on a school computer. Then I ran into Byron and Norvin ( who laughed at my shirt :() Then i couldn't get the files on the school comp. So I messaged a few friends to ask if i could borrow their hard copies to zap, and in 5 mins I had them in my inbox! See how much trouble I could have saved myself if i had just asked :( bahhh. silly

WTHHH. so there was an article in today's papers about the new IT toy, the zhuzhu hamster and how everyone in america is scurrying around to get them and they're all sold out. I have one (not mine hor) and i was going to blackmarket it. so i went to ebay. and i found this:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ZHU-ZHU-pet-go-HAMSTER-zoo-zuzu-zu-CLOTHES-zhuzhu_W0QQitemZ160380253910QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item25576876d6#ht_500wt_1143

people are actually willing to pay US$15 for clothes for fake hamsters. and essentially its just a strip of cloth... and elastic. ZOMG. $$$. This is like that woman who developed those studs for crocs. Haha why can't I come up with something awesome like that so I can quit school? :(

Waiting for the rain to lighten up so i can drive to school. I actually set off early so I could stop by HV but after dropping my brother at the bus stop it started pouring and I couldn't see a thing ( I hate driving in rain like that :() And Tikka is in my closet and he won't come out cos he's scared of the rain. 

My mother insisted on taking my car yesterday cos she didn't want to subject her lexus to the harsh world that is Chinatown. So i bus-ed home and walked in. I haven't done that in agesss. I MIGHT be starting to get this walking thing.

I am also seriously contemplating spending US$5 on farmville so I can get me a few turkeys :)

Tonight i miraculously finished a bowl of udon, sushi and some tempura crabsticks.  I am still hungry ):

Yesterday my mums got me a tampopo creampuff, custard pudding, meatballs and fake wassants from 4 seasons, yumyumyum. Rubs tummy :) 

I eat a damn lot when exams come around and I study. Which makes me wonder if I would eat like a normal person all the time if I consistently kept up with my studies. HRM.

break my heart for what breaks yours

So my cousin is going back to America to work soon, she’s been here for about a year or something cos if you are not a us citizen you have to leave for a year after 5 years or SOMETHING like that.

 Anyway she just called to ask if I could tutor math + befriend this kid whom she has just recently met. She stays at a kids home near my place. Apparently they aren’t allowed to leave the home except for school and church every 2 weeks. Her background story is something along the lines of her dad used to lock her in a closet every day for a year. Like she could only come out to go pee and drink water (and I suppose eat) then she went back in and was chained inside. WTF. Who does shit like that. And social services has taken her away to the home and her mum won't press charges against her dad cos she'd rather stay with the dad than keep her child. Can you imagine going through it? Bad enough the feeling of being unwanted but the whole psychological trauma of the closet thing? I’m studying abnormal psychology tonight, I don’t want to know what kind of things that does to a child’s mental health.

I know there was more stuff that happened but I think I blocked it out.

This is why I choose to be apathetic to such thing some times. Too emotionally affected, too much heartache. I know the world isn’t all happy and bright and shiny but some days I really do not want to know. Defense mechanisms are wonderful things.

 And in that home there are many more like them. Not sure why this one was singled out. Worst case or something? When she told me the story I really teared (pathetic sap) Why are some people so damn sick.

I've been looking for a charity to volunteer with of late so i was thinking maybe this is a sign. I would love to do it but I really have to think about whether I can afford the time, even if it is once a week and nearby. My schedule is bad enough as it is. I am damn easily emotionally manipulated by emphathy I swear but imagine if I want to stop one day the kid will seriously be upset and I would feel damn guilty.

Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
It's all part of the plan

When something is broken
and you try to fix it
Trying to repair it anyway you can

I dive in at the deep end
and she becomes my best friend
I want to love you but I don’t know if I can

I know something is broken
and I’m trying to fix it
Trying to repair it any way I can

Grey: A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear.

Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

*
Okay that qoute wasn't of any comfort.

I can't hold interviews and set up a committee and hold a meeting in the next 2 weeks. I have exams and I usually tend to leave the mugging till the last minute. Okay I better make this decision worth it then >:(

Also, I have managed to give myself this painful and huge bloodclot on my thumb from opening my toothpaste tube today :(

Today I sorted all the food in the fridge and the freezer, put up my christmas tree, decorated the poochies for halloween, went grocery shopping and made a halloween grated cheesecake. I was supposed to start studying for exams 2 weeks ago, I haven't started yet.

Even my mum knows that when i paint my nails black it means something is wrong. I can't paint the little finger on my right hand so I asked her to help me, after she was done she was like 'why you so emo' O_o Hipz sia.

And when it rains,
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away,
From all of the ones who love you,
From everything.

Probably the only Paramore song I love. Anyway, rain sucks. I wake up in the morning and it's pouring outside and all I wanna do is go back to sleep or watch soaps the whole day with a cinammon bun ( or two.. or ten) and a cup of hot chocolate but nooo I must drag my ass out of bed for skool.

Ohoh. I got 72 for stats. I am very proud of myself ( and thankful God or luck, whichever the case may be) cos I totally didn't know what I was doing. Hurr. But of course the mean is about there la. Stupig muggers. h8.

i'm not complaining. but why do i do well for the papers that are 20% of my final grade that i studied like 4 days for and terribly for the ones that are 40% of my final grade that i studied 8 days for :(

HMM. Inverse proportion rule? haha.

"I've tried to say it a thousand different ways. I've tried twisting the words inside out and doubling them back over onto themselves. I've tried coming up with words in different languages, because maybe they have words for this thing (I couldn't say what it is) that we're missing in this one. I've tried saying the same words over and over again in hopes that this time they'll mean what I want them to mean. I've tried writing it down and spelling it out and stressing each syllable across intercontinental static. I've filled up pages and pages of paper with what I'm trying to say, but never with what I mean to say.

Maybe it annoyed you in the end. Maybe I should just stop."

- Loren Barnes


So I've wanted Open House 2010 Project Director for about a year now. It was finally offered to me but I chose not to take it in the end despite many hours spent thinking about the pros and cons and talking abt what it's gonna be like and attempting to set up my dream team of a committee.

I seem to be letting a lot of big life changing things that I want go this year. Slip right through my fingers and what not. Sometimes I have the luxury of time to think things through other times I take so long to make my decision that the opportunity just passes me by.

I've found that it really is hard to give up the things that you actually want and can have, cos you have to live with the fact that you made that decision to give it up yourself as well as the possible regret in the future. PLUS you know, the fact that you want it and you can have it but you choose not to take it.

Which also means I am seriously psychologically impaired or something. Maybe it's linked to a fear of failure or I don’t know haha. Like the bigger the impact the things makes the harder the fall will be if there is one. Bah. I don't like falling, it hurts.

Today i went to the night safari-halloween horrors thing and i survived! tho i was initially DAMN indecisive about it ( like i am about most things,but that's another post for another day) and tho it was kinda scary i'm glad i wasn't the only idiot screaming cos I had monster-attracting Cherlyn with me :D and together we managed to back up the forest giant's trail haha. And we also felt like vvvvvIPS thanks to fantastic farhan and his friend/boss(?) and cherlyn's friend mark who reserved seats for us at the creatures of the night show and let us cut all the hour long queues for the show/tram ride/entrance/ticket counter ( i swear i am not exaggerating)

Thanks to rixen87,iamnotaljuser and ju ( who has an lj but i don't know what is the username right now) for being my punching/grab people bags + for convincing me to go despite the few days of whining :P

 take
the
red
bull
away
*twitch*


okay i realise my entries are sporadic and not normally more than like 50 words haha. will revive this on monday, or attempt to at least.